Friday, 29 April 2011

Jilly's mailbox

This week, Jilly counsels a lonely heart. She also finds a flimsy excuse to post some 1950s movie dance scenes, and a recipe for deep-fried calamari. Um, what?

Nice To Meet You,

Miss Rita, 26 years
(artist's impression)
How are you today? I hope you are fine. My name is Rita, 26 years. I am single girl looking for honest and nice person. Somebody who care and fear God whom i can partner with. I don't care about your color or ethnicity.

I would like to know you more, most especially what you like and what you dislike. I'm sending you this beautiful mail, with a wish for much happiness.

I am looking forward to hear from you.

Thanks and God bless.

Love from,

Miss. Rita

Hello Miss Rita, 26 years

Thank you for your beautiful mail, even if you say so yourself.

As an agony aunt, I am more used to dealing with specifically stated problems, but I sense you're shy. Perhaps you are lonely -- even so, it is not wise, Miss Rita, 26 years, to send out emails announcing that you're single and that your only criteria for a partner is a pulse and a love of God. Some recipients might get the wrong idea, and there are some awful ne'er do wells out there who would happily pretend a love of God to get some love of Rita.

Have you also considered how disappointed a genuine respondent to your beautiful mail might be if they took you at your word? For example, what if your message were the kind I had been waiting for all my life and I eagerly responded, anticipating that I will spend the rest of my, admittedly very short, life span with the lovely Miss Rita, 26 years? Although you say you don't care about colour or ethnicity (FWIIW: I am orange-ish and don't claim membership of an ethnic group so much as I do a subspecies), are you hoping to enter into a blissful lesbian union with a colossal squid? Something tells me, Miss Rita, 26 years, that it is not what you are looking for. At all. LMFAO, if I had an A to LO in the first place.

As to the rest of your mail:

What I like: smoking (even though it is very bad for me, what with having to come out of the water and all to do it); Greek ouzo; belly dancing; toothfish; jellyfish (mm-mm); and this:

What I dislike: plastic bags; sperm whales; oil spills; climate change; raw sewage; Japanese fishing fleets; and this:

Leave the giant squid for me to eat, buddy.

Good luck in your quest to find a sucker life partner, Miss Rita, 26 years -- though I'm sure I don't know what all this had to do with belly dancing, I am grateful for the excuse to post thatStingray clip! Actually, the Marina puppet was allegedly based on Julie Newmar, so to get back to what The Occidental Dancer is all about, here are Julie Newmar's dance scenes from Serpent of the Nile and Slaves of Babylon:

I hope this helps!


Jilly x

Pic from

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