Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Miller in zill-er thriller: the Black Swan in a bedlah it ain't

Tremendous news from the bowels of Hell for everyone who hates movies and dancing: Sienna Miller is currently working on a film about a Chicago housewife who 'runs away' to Las Vegas with her belly dance teacher in order to enter a belly dance competition. What does that mean, 'runs away'? That in a subplot her husband keeps her locked in a basement? Not all belly dancers are escapees from their daily lives - in fact, for most of us it's part of our daily lives. See the difference there, movie makers? Hm. Thought not.

For those hoping that this will be belly dance's own Black Swan except, y'know, not really unsettling, please bear in mind the following:
  • This film will not be any good at all.
  • Sienna Miller.
  • I'll bet my hip scarves that belly dance will not be afforded the same modicum of respect as ballet, in as much as no 'body double' who actually knows how to do the dance justice will be employed to make Miller look good. Luckily that doesn't matter because belly dance is one of those cute little folk dances that anyone can do to professional level after only a few lessons. And, why thank you - the incandescent rage I'm expressing there does bring out the whites of my eyes. How sweet of you to notice.
  • Sienna Miller.
  • It is likely that, as in every other movie that featured belly dance as a plot device, raqs will be used to take our heroine on a journey of 'self-discovery'. This journey will involve some skimpy costumes.
  • Sienna Miller.
  • It's set in Las Vegas. Miller's character is from Chicago. I smell a Mob caper!
  • And, last but not least, Sienna Miller.
The worst part about this travesty-in-progress isn't even that, according to Film School Rejects, Miller didn't bother reading the script before signing up. Oh, no. 'Tis the title, good people. Yes, the name chosen for this abomination is what will really put the steam in your chou-chou shimmy. Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to poke out your minds' eyes lest, unbidden, they conjure up the possible film poster for Just Like A Woman.

Oops, too late!

2 comments:

  1. whahahahahahaaa! Sienna Miller. At least they could have gotten someone with an ass.

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  2. DEAR GOD PLEASE NOT SIENNA MILLER!!!!

    Then again, the director is an Algerian, so I hope he'll do justice to Belly Dance.

    Well, Whatever Lola Wants can sure use a competition.

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