Thursday, 26 May 2011

Jilly's got your back

This week, Jilly the Squid and Belly Dancing Agony Aunt strangles the life out of "Low Self Esteem".

Dear Jilly

My ex-husband has asked me to perform at his girlfriend’s birthday party. She is ten years younger than me and a former model, so I think I’m being set up as an object of ridicule. On the other hand, I might be being unduly suspicious of his motives and it could be a genuine overture of friendship. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it’s occurred to me that it might also be a great opportunity to show my ex what he’s missing. What do you think?

The First Wife

Dear Firstie

By the mighty pointy trident of Poseidon, woman! We never learn to listen to our wise inner voices do we? WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!?

You have already picked up on the most obvious motivation your ex and his hot bit of new totty might have for wanting you to perform in front of them and all of her friends. Your ex knows what he’s missing and he’s chosen to keep missing it. If that doesn’t tell you anything, then shimmy and be damned! If you do decide to accept this Gig From Hell, for Neptune's sake don't dance all sexy-sexy in a pathetic attempt to make the girlfriend jealous: You ARE going to make an even bigger fool out of yourself when, not if, the footage winds up on YouTube (complete with bitchy comments).

If you want my advice, and it seems you do, you shouldn't touch this with a barge pole attached to the end of of my longest tentacle.

Hope that helps!


Jilly xo

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