It has been so long, hasn't it? Well, truth to tell, your Aunty Jilly has been having a few problems of her own of late. Yes, my deadbeat ex-boyfriend tracked me down on Facebook and I foolishly agreed to meet up with him for a "few" drinks for old times' sake.
Next thing you know, we're drag racing pods of killer whales off the Southern California coast during the blue whale migration and five weeks later I wake up somewhere near Alaska, dressed up as an Orion Slave Girl and with the remains of a fishing boat wedged into what passes for my cleavage. My family always told me to stay away from him because he's a Kraken. "He's a drunk!" my mother would holler at me as I'd swim out to meet him in my longest tentacle extensions. "He's an artist!" I'd blub back. I thought the olds were just being species-ist, but it turns out there are good reasons they never liked Aegir: just ask the tattoo of a mermaid I now have on my butt.
But I was young, and he really is an artist. Look at that beautiful drawing he did of me on our trip, still wearing my Orion body paint and hauling some poor sailors to their graves. Of course, he made my chest a little bigger and gave me arms, but otherwise that's a pretty accurate portrait. Let it never be said that your Aunty Jilly doesn't understand the complex workings of the heart - people, I've known trouble. I'm sharing this sorry story of depravity with you so that you will be even more comfortable sharing with me.
Anyway, while I get around to answering some of my mail, please watch this depressing gem, entitled "Why yes, I AM a professional belly dancer!":
Hat tip to Dress for Bellydance!